I’M LOOKING OVER THE LIFE THAT LIVES ME

I’M LOOKING OVER THE LIFE THAT LIVES ME

IMG_3769 

Drawn

To reflect

On the life

That has tricked me,

The life that has blessed me,

I am enticed,

Yes, drawn,

Like a moth into neon light,

To that wonderful

And popular love song

of my early childhood:

 

I’m Looking Over

A four-leafed clover

That I overlooked before.

One leaf is sunshine;

The second is rain;

Third is the roses

That grow in the lane;

No need explaining

The one remaining

Is somebody I adore.

I’m looking over

A four leafed clover

That I overlooked

Before.

 

I see now;

That somebody

“I overlooked before”

Has all too often

Been that

Altogether Me

I kept

hidden

From myself.

 

My life,

My human existence,

I can see now,

Is wholly

Beautiful;

All of it,

Every mistaken stitch,

Every wrong exit,

Every joyous completion,

Every hurtful fall,

Every proud moment,

Every missed opportunity.

 

Like some flashback

That unfolds one’s

entire

Life journey in

Nano-seconds,

I’m looking over

The life that lives me.

 

I grew,

I fell,

I got up,

Time and time

And time again….

I detoured,

I woke up,

I healed,

I confessed,

I made amends,

I forgave others,

I forgave myself,

Totally and gratefully.

 

Today,

Sitting here

On this side

Of a tedious stretch

Of seventy-eight plus,

I look over the terrain

Of my escapades

With reverence,

and

With respect.

 

I remain

A mystery

And a gift

To myself.

With all my pain,

With all my attainments,

With all the ups and downs,

I find

I am truly

a happy man.

 

I find myself

Embracing

my Unfinished,

Imperfect,

Ongoing,

Flawed,

Passionate,

Compassionate,

Amazing,

Extraordinary,

Intuitive and

Creative life.

 

Searching for intimacy,

I experienced

The wisdom of loneliness;

Searching for wholeness,

I experienced

My own brokenness first.

 

The opposites

Have always

Healed me,

Delivered me,

Taught me

What is

And what is not.

 

Every wrong turn

Taught me what was not;

Every right turn

Taught me how to smile.

 

I am a man

Of countless

Spoken and written words

And feelings

And questions.

 

Now that I realize

How hoveringly

Close

I am

To the

Finish line,

I really do

hope ahead—

 

I envisage

A majestic

Awareness of

The Mysterious More—

of Opening up,

Purifying,

Testing,

Refining,

of Liberating

The only Soul

That I am.

 

It is such a relief

To have survived

A lifetime of

Hopelessness,

Hopefulness,

Discipline,

Duty,

Depression,

Delight,

Stupidity and

Unknowing—

And to discover

They have all been

Delicate dance partners

All along.

 

I’m looking over

The life that

Lives me,

That I’ve overlooked

Before…..

 

Another Golden Logos

Bows towards

The open sea,

Painting its

Pink and purple

Mutating halo,

Lustrously strewn

Across the firmament,

Cascading its

Numinous pathways

Of fluid grace

From heaven’s

Fire

Into my

Ecstatic heart.

IMG_3681 

I listen to the

Enchanted song of

Lapping shores

And whimsically watch

The golden ball

Descend into

The sea.

 

-Hal Edwards

Wauconda

October 1, 2013

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *