GRACE, THE OPEN DOOR

GRACE, THE OPEN DOOR

In the alpha
and omega
of every moment
every day
of every week,
every year
of every decade,
every century
of every cosmic millisecond…
Grace
keeps The Door open.

In the beginning and
after the ending
of every
marriage and divorce,
birth and death,
sickness and wellness,
abandonment and betrayal,
injustice and catastrophe…
keep The Door open.

Whatever happens,
grace reigns,
grace remains.

Whatever does not happen,
grace maintains,
grace remains.

Whatever comes and goes,
grace sustains,
grace remains.

So
keep The Door open.

Bundle up every hurt,
every loss,
every confused misunderstanding;
Gather every unhealed grief
and thriving grievance…
Gather all resistances
and resentments,
memories of shame
and blame…
bring them Home,
through The Door,
into perfect Love.

Everything sad,
everything bad,
everything mad…

all yearnings unfulfilled,
all desires unmet;
all dreams swallowed
into ten thousand
darkened sewers
of saddened yesterdays…

every good deed unrecognized,
every unconditional gift rejected,
every unfinished symphony
of exquisite harmony
now abandoned…
Open the door and
bring them home.

every unfinished manuscript;
every prayer unanswered;
every loving attempt thwarted,
every abandoned intention—

These deserted refugees
of humanity…
these faithful fissured features
of a moaning creation…
these are the things
angels and gods
were fashioned to embrace.

All shattered investments,
now embellished by Grace,
at once,
in the twinkling of an eye,
have become
a deep reservoir
of Sacred Joy.

“Where sin abounds,
grace abounds even more.”
Romans 5:20

-Hal Edwards
Wauconda
February 18, 2017

FOREVER A FORGIVING FAMILY

FOREVER A FORGIVING FAMILY

Okay, family dear,

it is my time….

Time to wake up, time to

name my soulful “repentings.” *

It’s time to shout from my rooftop

because

Love’s ah-ha moments

have shattered

my outmoded and judgmental

perceptions.

Now is my time;

Here is my place

to emancipate all family prisoners

from my self-made

psychic prison house.

“Why, of course!”

How could you

give

to me

what you

did not experience

from others?!

“I forgive you,

and, oh please, forgive me;

I did not know

what I was doing

or how my choices

influenced everyone

in our family.”

It is my time

to say Yes!!

It’s a magnificent time

to gather all my

inner idiots

and bless them,

liberating each tired illusion

one by one,

with soulful eyes.

Goodbye, old projections,

calcified resentments,

hardened expectations,

petrified, immobile

attitudes—

my time has come!

With one single second

of awareness

a rust-riddled doorway

creaks open

and I walk through

a once impenetrable wall,

which no longer exists.

Suddenly, mysteriously,

a Light shines out of

my darkness;

calmness permeates

and alters

a mirage of

hurtful memories

mummified by my self-made

inaccurate expectations.

My shadow-work courageously updated;

forgiveness refined,

a full circle

of appreciation

now embraces all things

into gratitude.

This awareness

of

forgiveness realized

did not come overnight…

Ten thousand fits of hunger

stormed against my spirit;

ten thousand questions

refused to go unattended;

ten thousand revelations

cracked me open.

Forgiveness wins over.

Mother, I do forgive you;

I ask your forgiveness.

I have awakened to

the traumatic consequences of

your fatherless and muffled childhood….

a story you could never tell or remember.

Your muted story, buried forever in

the oblivion of glazed-over forgetfulness,

shaped, influenced and honed

my decisions and

my destiny.

Dad, I do forgive you;

I ask your forgiveness.

Sensitive and dutiful son and father,

handsome youthful hero,

a gifted athlete with unlived potential,

you carried the unbearable pain

of your mother’s great grievings in your

unconsciously compassionate heart.

You died ten miles from

where you were born,

finally released from

the bittersweet naivety

of your unnamed mother complex.

Mother and Daddy,

how perfectly imperfect you

sacrificed and

loved us four boys.

You gave us your best.

No regrets linger for me;

all that heavy lead

has been transformed

into glittering gold.

Nothing lost,

nothing left to forgive;

everything matters;

because everything belongs.

The good, the bad, the ugly,

the hidden and the exposed;

everything belongs to the whole now:

the blunders and the surprises,

the pangs of hunger and yearnings;

the subdued frustrations and the cries of victory;

the tormenting gaps and the delightful ecstasies;

the traumatic losses and delightful surprises;

the melancholy and the bliss;

the intensely charged and the remarkably restful—

My relationships, now

unfettered from inflexible expectations

rooted in the past,

now liberated by Love’s laser beams,

are at rest.

We did some good work!

I thank you all.

  • Repent actually means to wake up, to change one’s mind, to outgrow an old worldview, like a snake outgrowing its old skins, like new wineskins for new wine.

Hal Edwards

February 8, 2016

Wauconda

OCTOGENARIAN

OCTOGENARIAN

I receive unto myself
every right and privilege,
every acknowledgement
of my full membership
into this classy club
among my contemporary
Octogenarians.

Merely a
kindergartner in this
decade of distinction,
I respect countless initiations
that transported me
into this family
of wrinkles,
wisdom,
inner playfulness,
total trust,
compassionate suffering,
genuine humility,
inclusive forgiveness,
respectfulness
and refined gratitude.

I experience at once
a disposition of determination
and a spirit of new awakenings—
observing, claiming
and celebrating
every critical, painful pathway
I have wisely and stupidly
co-created.

More often now, I observe,
I am realized by my Self
from a deeper consciousness,
in Love’s omnipresent
Oneness.

Not unlike Rumi,
I more often come into that “field
beyond right or wrong,”
where I receive and redeem
everyone and everything
in creation.

Nineteen years ago
I went on a
Vision Quest,
in the Big Bend Desert.
One of several prerequisites
during my preparation time
was to go into the woods,
get totally lost,
enter my Death Lodge
and bid goodbye
to all those who came
into my presence. Continue reading

ALL I ONCE DESPISED

ALL I ONCE DESPISED

All that I contrived

and despised

in you,

Hal Edwards,

all I sought to

erase or fortify

I irrevocably embrace,

I now concede

to the Greater Gods

who gather all of me,

my light and my darkness,

into

Soul-saving

Reunion.

Yes, you have

sampled Eden’s

forbidden

fruit;

You

have experienced

the intensities of

passion

and soared with

enchanted

wings of grace.

You have groveled through

dark dangerous caverns,

clung from

precarious precipices,

always restless,

searching and yearning

for more depth,

more meaning,

more life-giving purpose.

With your compelling,

all-consuming

passion

for excellence,

you neglected

restfulness and play;

you abandoned

your very soul

while seeking

to save

yourself

through your busyness.

Yes, yes, yes,

I embrace you,

Hal Lamar Edwards, Jr.,

I embrace you,

I forgive you,

I love you

the way you are.

Your divine wound

wears well now.

You limp

with ancient Jacob,

having wrestled

through the long nights

with

your dark angel.

Oh, the list of grievances

goes on and on—

your naïve hopefulness,

your acculturated religiosity,

your narcissistic introspections,

your intellectual snobbery,

your hierarchy of illusions,

your distended self identity,

your positioning for approval,

your ego-centered goodness,

your unconscious arrogance—

Yes, yes, yes.

“Dr.” Hal Lamar Edwards, Jr.,

I did not overlook

your shadowed footprints.

Alas,

good brother,

finally

they lie all spent,

awaiting their

redeeming moment.

Like fermented compost,

the metamorphosis

is well underway.

Well done,

imperfect and faithful

servant.

Welcome.

Your Eucharist awaits you.

Limp gracefully

into the

kingdom

where

Original Goodness

reigns for all.

-Hal Edwards

Wauconda

March 30, 2015

DOING TONGLEN

DOING TONGLEN

I inhale,

I take in

the torment, the agony,

the illusions, the fear.

I gulp into my Soul

every snake and dragon

and mosquito

of the moment

and do Tonglen.

With open heartedness

and Spiritual Awareness

I invite

these strangers

into my Living Room.

I sit close

to the hearth fires

of purification

and

exhale Presence

while

Invisible Angels

turn all

the lights on

again.

Hal Edwards

Wauconda

May 31, 2014

I’M LOOKING OVER THE LIFE THAT LIVES ME

I’M LOOKING OVER THE LIFE THAT LIVES ME

IMG_3769 

Drawn

To reflect

On the life

That has tricked me,

The life that has blessed me,

I am enticed,

Yes, drawn,

Like a moth into neon light,

To that wonderful

And popular love song

of my early childhood:

 

I’m Looking Over

A four-leafed clover

That I overlooked before.

One leaf is sunshine;

The second is rain;

Third is the roses

That grow in the lane;

No need explaining

The one remaining

Is somebody I adore.

I’m looking over

A four leafed clover

That I overlooked

Before.

 

I see now;

That somebody

“I overlooked before”

Has all too often

Been that

Altogether Me

I kept

hidden

From myself.

  Continue reading

THE IRRATIONALITY OF FORGIVENESS

THE IRRATIONALITY OF FORGIVENESS

 

Jesus Christ!

You got it all

backwards!

Jesus,

I have something

to say to You.

 

I did the right thing!

I chose to love

and respect and serve;

I never once

withheld my commitments.

I did my damned best,

and You

have the audacity

to ask

me

to let go

of all my

 expectations

and to release

that betrayer…

even to forgive him??

 

What are you asking

of me!!

Is Your Jehovah-Abba

for and against

me at the same time?

 

I did the right thing,

I sacrificed and planned ahead

Continue reading

FORGIVING ONE’S GOOD SELF

FORGIVING ONE’S GOOD SELF

Thanks to: wilfullyobscure.blogspot.com

To forgive
myself
having done my best,
having been good
and innocent;
having given it all I knew,
having kept integrity,
having been responsible,
and committed
and consistent
and compassionate–

only to stand

here

after the fall
among the smoldering ashes
of my
most profound
commitments
in life
observing the
shimmering circles
of a daunting smoke
vanishing

with all my
dreams
and hopes

into
thin air–

Continue reading